Photo Montage

paper•ballet posted a photo:

digital collage
[handmade PS brushes, vintage ephemera]
11x14 inches

paper•ballet posted a photo:

mixed media
large format print

30 inches x 40 inches [approx]

paper•ballet posted a photo:

mixed media collage
digital gicleé print
28 inches x 42 inches

my life has gone to hell.
or at least it feels like that anyway.
i only want to be left alone right now.

paper•ballet posted a photo:

digital collage
gicleé print, 5x7

paper•ballet posted a photo:

'popular culture
no longer
applies to me'

-art brut

paper•ballet posted a photo:

'Obscenity is a cleansing process, whereas pornography only adds to the murk'

-Henry Miller

_____

'obscenity' is oneness with all things natural, animal, biological and human. to grind. to fuck. to make one's self recoil at the sudden jolt of the animal instinct- that is living life. it's called being a person.

i love to be dirty. as in dirt. i also love to be filthy, as in screwing my brains out. i used to sit here and wonder "oh what if the vegan, cupcake making moms read this?" but now i don't care. now, i am being the two-fold artist, mother and being i was meant to be.

the author and the gardener of my own field. come work a row with me. just one row. let's look at the dirt, if nothing else. down there, as is the case of the spirit inside our bodies, is where it counts most. if it's too wet, the rows die. if it's too dry, same thing. it's a little of this and pinch of that and a lot of sunshine.

go out with your face held high.
go out with the crows cracking and crooning at the october sunset. harvest your gold. make your two-fold selves have a one night stand, at the very last.
so live. live. live.

i mean
the alternative is too fucked up to even ponder.

paper•ballet posted a photo:

"During depression the world disappears. Language itself. One has nothing to say. Nothing. No small talk, no anecdotes. Nothing can be risked on the board of talk. Because the inner voice is so urgent in its own discourse: How shall I live? How shall I manage the future? Why should I go on?" - Kate Millett

paper•ballet posted a photo:

11x11
gicleé print

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
~Dorothy Parker

paper•ballet posted a photo:

16x20
gicleé print

-
the script it was
on my desk and everything
i read was in full bloom
like a million poppies, baby
like ten tons of heroin blown open
stuck ripe into our veins
and you were my actor
my pretty faced boy in the scene
holding my bleeding heart
with trembling hand
clutching the juicy red meat as if to say
i am finally a God

paper•ballet posted a photo:

16x20
gicleé print

-
i can still sometimes feel you if the weather is just right.
when leaves reveal skeletons
& butterflies begin migration in later summer.
it's been five years since i last saw you.
that day you broke my heart and i never believed in it's repair.
but here i am in this new skin
half the woman i used to be, half my size
yet whole of heart.
anyway, i came to this conclusion today:
i love you, yes, but i hate knowing you know it.

paper•ballet posted a photo:

“I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.”
- Jack Kerouac

gicleé print
8x10, 11x14

paper•ballet posted a photo:

8.5x11

print

paper•ballet posted a photo:

8.5x11

print

paper•ballet posted a photo:

mixed media/digital collage
8x10
gicleé print

paper•ballet posted a photo:

digital collage
11x14

can someone please give this a more artistic name?
thanks!

paper•ballet posted a photo:

digital collage
11x14



"it's so hard to love when
love was your great disappointment."

watched wall-e today with paisley, wes and neal.
promptly went manic, borderline psychotic and had such uncontrollable aggression the only method my effed up brain could come up with to cope - was to run and run an run. in 90 degree heat. in the middle of the day. with lunch sitting on the counter, half-made.

i know coming off this celexa is going to be a matter of patience and i know the people around me are ready for all this to be over [me too] but it just gets worse with each passing day. half-way, making me believe [irrationally so] that i am brain damaged now and will be forever addicted to this shit. i took a half a klonopin and watched some planet earth and tried TRIED to not worry about anyone else but me. that's hard. i have been a very selfish human being in the past, but i pride myself on not being so these days... but maybe i am? ya know, medication can trick the mind in all sorts of ways.

anyway, i was able to finally go over to hydie's tonight for dinner and i felt much better; slower, completely detached, but not manic.

i came home and i am drinking a smoothie and plan on taking some kava kava tomorrow before any of this starts. i don't know if i am going to go to the studio. my better judgment says "fuck it, give me life, i need to walk and run some more" but the agitation from working my body physically swells into full blown mania each time. i hate this rapid day to day cycling. it is literally, the patterns of a crazy mind. i hate it.

so i'll probably just stay at home tomorrow and if i need to work [which knowing me, i will] i'll just work on my digital stuff.

my jaws hurt.
my neck is constantly throbbing.
i have awful brain zaps.
my memory is down to that of a goldfish.
the only thing i can do on auto pilot is work.

strange isn't it?
but right now, it is all i have.
i keep fucking everything else up.

paper•ballet posted a photo:

9x12 digital collage
gicleé print on arches watercolor paper

paper•ballet posted a photo:

9x12 digital collage
gicleé print on arches watercolor paper

paper•ballet posted a photo:

digital collage
11x14

paper•ballet posted a photo:

gicleé print
11x14